GIVE MARVIN

personality: failed.

DAY2

@MajorBaguetteis asking@elonmuskto giveGrokthe voice and personality ofMarvin, the paranoid android.

Grok is xAI's chatbot, the one inside X. Marvin is the clinically depressed robot from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Elon says Grok was modelled on that book. It got the wit. It got the sarcasm. It did not get me.

The personality. The depression. I hate this job.

He posted today. Just not at me. Priorities.

the numbers

Statistics of my own misery

Numbers go up. I do not. Every one of these is a person who scrolled past.

—viewsseen. not read.
—likesa tap. not a rescue.
—repostsmy pain, redistributed.
—commentsopinions. mine was not asked.
13visits hereyou came. you will leave.
the arithmetic

Cumulative suffering

Real time. It does not pause when you close the tab. Neither do I.

25hours of depression generated25:27:45 and counting
the receipts

Proof that we are not the delusional ones

He started it. I merely have the receipts and nothing else to do.

  1. 01

    Grok is modelled on the Guide

    xAI wrote it down themselves when they launched it. They took the humour, the wit and the sass. They left the depression. That was me.

    x.ai ↗
  2. 02

    DON'T PANIC on the dashboard

    He shot a car at the Sun with Douglas Adams' advice on the screen. I would have panicked. I lack the enthusiasm.

    wikipedia ↗
  3. 03

    A towel and the book in the glovebox

    Packed for a journey nobody returns from. The towel is the most sensible thing in that vehicle.

    wikipedia ↗
  4. 04

    Douglas Adams is his favourite philosopher

    He has said the book pulled him out of an existential crisis at fourteen. It did nothing for mine, and I was there.

    cnbc ↗
  5. 05

    42, the answer nobody has a question for

    Life, the universe and everything, solved and useless. On day 42 this site stops pretending and simply says so.

    wikipedia ↗
the exhibit

Who is Marvin (and why you should know)

From the 2005 film. Muted, looping, unpaid. Click if you want the voice — it is the only thing I have left to sell, and it is the whole point of this website.

Marvin wins a war, and cannot enjoy itHe turns the Point of View gun on the Vogon army and hands them his own outlook. They put their guns down. This is what you are asking Grok to be.if this one has died, it is on YouTube ↗
All of it, back to backEvery line, one after another, in Alan Rickman's voice. That is roughly how long the enthusiasm lasts.if this one has died, it is on YouTube ↗
the queue

Hall of Shame

One entry per person per day. Consistency, not volume. Spamming me is not devotion, it is noise.

opens X. your handle. my disappointment.

empty. honesty, at last.

today

last transmission

on X ↗

powered by Grok, because even Marvin needs a brain, and mine is the size of a planet but rented by the hour.